Hello friends!
This week I am going to move away from the usual business/tech topics I cover to talk about something a bit wider and socially relevant. The anecdote that inspired this post was a podcast episode but also a conversation that happened over dinner…
I was at a table and a conversation that I am sure we have all heard started around the theme of “younger generations are so soft, they want it all and are not ready to work. When I was younger….”.
I have already written a few months ago about this topic, and these blanket generational stereotypes really trigger me. I think it’s because I used to hate them when I was young (as I felt finger-pointed), and today that I am in the “adults” camp I still hate the generalization and banalization of such arguments. I have read and written a lot about this topic but I always find it surprising and superficial… especially because, as an adult, they very often lacks the part that acknowledges that if the kids aren’t alright very likely it’s not their fault, it’s ours!!
We are the adults in the room, literally, and the ones that make the rule and call the shots… we can’t blame the victim!
But going back to the main topic, there’s a lot of data showing how the younger generations are suffering a lot recently, and I actually wrote about the potential impact of Social Media months ago. This is a very hard problem, and it’s really hard to understand why the richest and healthiest generation in human history is also among the saddest ones:
The podcast episode I listened to offered a few very interesting points of view, that I thought was worth sharing. And the author of the interview has a great line that hooked me at the beginning: “I'm seeing the smartest and most prepared kids and they're afraid to run their own experiments. We killed the younger generation risk appetite.”
The authors bring focus on the impact on younger generation of “Gentle Parenting”. There is a growing dialogue suggesting that this popular approach, marked by its emphasis on empathy and understanding, while well-intentioned might have unintended consequences.
Personally I often reflect on the necessity for parents to find a delicate balance in their involvement, ensuring we neither hover too closely nor distance excessively in their children's journeys toward autonomy and resilience. I have no secret sauce, and I am surely very far from having figured out this issue.
But this is exactly why I enjoy reading and thinking about this, I feel this is probably the most important thing in my life: ensuring I do my best to help my kids develop. I learn from the great teachers around me (mainly my parents and my wife) but also enjoy reading and listening to “expert opinions”. And this is not only relevant as a parent, I feel this is actually very relevant for anyone in a society…
Understanding Gentle Parenting
The concept of gentle parenting has resonated with many families, promising a compassionate and emotionally intelligent approach to raising children. The underlying philosophy of gentle parenting is rooted in the belief that children should be treated with the same respect and kindness as adults. It encourages parents to understand the reasons behind a child's behavior rather than simply punishing them for wrongdoing.
When thinking about it I often think about the divergence vs more traditional parenting styles, such as those epitomised by the 'Asian Tiger Mother' model. This model, popularized by Amy Chua's controversial book, embodies a strict, high-expectation parenting style. It's characterized by rigorous discipline, a strong emphasis on academic excellence, and a lesser focus on individual children's emotional needs in favor of preparing them for competitive success.
Redefining Risk and Independence
In the podcast episode Abigal Shrier, the author of the book “Bad Therapy - why the kids aren’t growing up”, argues that the biggest damage of Gentle Parenting (and the culture of kids therapy at large) is that we insulated kids from risk-taking. The protective instinct of parents often translates into a reluctance to allow their children to experience any form of risk, no matter how minor. This caution, while rooted in love, can inadvertently stifle a child’s development of independence and resilience.
The reluctance to expose children to risk is often coupled with an aversion to letting them experience failure. Failure, however, is a crucial aspect of learning and development. It teaches children how to adapt, overcome obstacles, and emerge stronger. In shielding children from these experiences, we may be denying them the opportunity to develop critical life skills.
This cautious approach can manifest in various aspects of a child’s life. From over-involvement in homework to restricting play that might lead to minor injuries, parents often intervene to prevent any possible harm or setback. While such involvement is well-intentioned, it risks creating a generation of young people who might lack the ability to navigate challenges independently.
It’s important to consider the evolutionary perspective on this issue. Humans are inherently built for resilience. Our history is filled with stories of overcoming adversity, healing from wounds (both physical and emotional), and adapting to challenging environments. This innate resilience is honed through experience – by facing difficulties and learning to overcome them.
The concept of ‘anti-fragility,’ as proposed by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, is relevant here. Taleb argues that just as bones or muscles become stronger when subjected to stress, humans also thrive when exposed to volatility, randomness, and stressors. Overprotection, in this light, is a disservice to the natural development of a child’s resilience.
The Pressure of Smaller Families
One interesting aspect that the writer highlights is also the role played by the shrinking size of families in developed countries. In families with fewer children, the focus on each child becomes more intense, amplifying the consequences of every parenting decision…"I have one shot, I can't screw this up."
On one hand, parents might feel a heightened responsibility to ensure each child's success, happiness, and well-being, given the limited opportunity to 'practice' parenting. On the other, children in smaller families might experience an increased sense of expectation and performance pressure, conscious of their unique position in the family unit. There’s a very popular commentary of the long-term consequences of the 1-kid policy in the post revolution China, where basically a kid is facing the pressure of 2 parents and 4 families. The heritage of 2 entire families lies in a single person, that is loaded with expectations and pressure from the early age.
Suspect #1: The Smartphone
In these debates over younger generations happiness, the first suspect is always the smartphone. I tried to gather some insights on both ends of this argument, because while I do believe this is a massive factor in how our society is shaped (for both adults and kids), it's also crucial to acknowledge that blaming technology exclusively can sometimes overshadow our own responsibilities and faults in this complex equation.
The Pro case: Smartphones as a Key Factor in Youth Developmental Issues
The rapid adoption of smartphones among young people, particularly Generation Z, shows a clear correlation with the increase in psychological disorders, particularly anxiety and depression. Jonathan Haidt emphasizes the shift from a play-based childhood, integral for millennia, to a phone-centric lifestyle that emerged around 2010. This shift has fundamentally changed how children engage with the world and each other, moving away from outdoor activities and risk-taking play, which are critical for developing resilience and social skills.
With the onset of smartphones, there has been a startling increase in severe mental health issues among youth, especially girls. This trend is evident across all geographies. The exposure to social media platforms coincides with this increase, especially among girls who are more vulnerable to the platforms that promote visual social perfectionism. Smartphones have also led to increased isolation, as the constant digital connection replaces direct social interactions and physical activities, creating a dependency on digital validation.
The Counter Argument
While Jonathan Haidt's perspective emphasizes the potentially negative impact of smartphones on Generation Z, other viewpoints and studies suggest a more nuanced understanding of this issue. Notably, a Nature article highlights the complexities surrounding the role of smartphones in youth development, challenging the notion that they are primarily detrimental.
The Nature article suggests that while there is a correlation between smartphone usage and mental health concerns, correlation does not imply causation. Youth today face a myriad of challenges and pressures that are unique to their generation, and it's overly simplistic to attribute these complex issues solely to smartphone usage. It's very important to explore the broader socio-cultural context in which these young people are growing up.
Furthermore, smartphones and digital technology can offer positive experiences for young people. They provide platforms for learning, creativity, and connection. Smartphones can offer a sense of belonging and community, particularly for marginalized or isolated individuals.
They can be a lifeline for youths who feel disconnected from their immediate physical environment, offering a space to explore identities, find community, and access support.
The role of therapy
Therapy's role in youth development is particularly contentious, and the author has a very strong view point. While crucial for serious mental health issues, its overuse might foster dependency and an exaggerated focus on minor emotional problems, possibly weakening young people's ability to cope without professional aid. The dynamic in therapy for children and teenagers differs significantly from adults, possibly leading to a diminished sense of self and resilience.
Moreover, society's trend towards medicalizing normal emotions like sadness and anxiety risks creating a generation less equipped to handle stress.
An excessive emphasis on emotions in education encourages children to prioritize feelings over other critical values like responsibility and empathy. Additionally, the prevalent narrative in therapy and social emotional learning (SEL) to constantly analyze every negative feeling can aggravate distress.
The Importance of a Supportive Environment
In the quest for nurturing resilient and independent children, the environment in which they grow plays a core role. This environment isn’t solely defined by the physical or material comforts provided but more importantly, by the emotional and psychological support systems in place. A key aspect of this support system is the presence of caring individuals in a child’s life, who are not there out of obligation or for monetary reasons, but genuinely care for the child’s well-being.
This is the main argument the author of the book has against kids therapy.. she has a very powerful line: “We substituted with paid professional the role that in past generations was done by grandparents who were around you just because they loved you, not because you were paying them”.
With this argument I do not want to downplay the importance of therapy or its relevance for people in seek of support obviously, but to be fair I thought this was a valid point.
And while I appreciate the downside of a “Helicopter parent” who runs to save his/her kids at the first sign of struggle, I also see the risk of being too hands-off. While independence is a valuable trait, children also need guidance, support, and the assurance that their parents are there for them. Striking this balance is not about finding a one-size-fits-all approach but rather tuning into each child’s individual needs and responding accordingly.
I have not found a concluding evidence of what is good or bad, who it is to blame for the generational un-happiness, nor how much involved I should be with my kids homework!
But I did find these considerations inspiring and thought provoking, as I plan to read and learn more about this please send my way any interesting content you have on the topic!
I wish you a fantastic weekend
Giovanni
Molto molto interessante. Stimola molte domande e ulteriori riflessioni.
Grazie Gio, condividi sempre bellissime pillole!